After a bitter winter that seemed to go on for an inconceivably long time and can only be a some form of terrible retribution visited upon the population of the UK as punishment for Made in Chelsea the sun has finally appeared.
London is full of confused people as some, giddy with excitement, emerge wearing T shirts and flip flops whilst others refusing to believe the evidence of their eyes swelter in winter coats.
The good news of course is that the water is finally warming up. It’s time to dive. And due to the impending zombie apocalypse the time to dive is now.
Zombies are in right now. Serious newspapers like Heat and Metro are full of articles about the latest zombie flick: Films like Warm Bodies, Evil Dead and the upcoming World War Z and on TV, The Walking Dead, Zombieland and in the Flesh are all hugely popular.
Why is this? Unfortunately the Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt has received the news from Fox Mulder and the man from Torchwood that Hell is full and the dead are about to walk the earth. So all these shows are in fact a Government information initiative to lessen the shock.
But what has this got to do with diving? That is a very, very good question and the answer is something that I am literally making up as I type this.
Zombies can’t swim. Unfortunately they also can’t drown but even if they are the newer fast zombies they’re significantly slower in water and they don’t know how to use fins or control their buoyancy. Therefore the water is going to be one of the safest places to be after ‘The Event’.
Chepstow will be a pretty safe place to be because most of the zombies that fall into the water will eventually wander into the deep bit and then they won’t be able to get out.
Anyone who’d like some more info about it should get in touch as we’ll also be offering an UPPB course (Undead Peak Performance Buoyancy). This will cover skills like the exact right distance to hover off the bottom to avoid a zombie attack (even if they can jump a bit) and how to use an ezycut to saw off a head. Some might think of this as blatant profiteering off a tragedy. I call it simple common sense.
So this Summer, learn to dive. Yes there’s lots of cool stuff to see like fish and wrecks but the main reason is it will save your life.
To find out more about the end of the world and where to sign up for a scuba diving course please contact us at http://www.divingleisurelondon.co.uk quoting ‘Stop writing nonsense and do some bloody work’.